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[PDF] Awoken by Serra Elinsen ☆ Serra Elinsen

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Ica can’t figure out why the gorgeous but mysterious new boy at high school seems to hate her so much It couldn't have anything to do with the strange dream she had the night before he first showed up in class could it The dream where the very same boy rescued her from a giant green tentacled sea m. E E E E I looooooooooved tis book Riley is so hot unlike Edward Cullen e is suc an assat unlike Riley 3 3 3 3 e as suc Fatoms of Depth and dimensions and layers to im I don t like Andromeda se is suc a cold fis no fis pun intended I loooooooooove Riley 3 I would sare a filial pail wit Riley any dayI AM SO EXCIT ED Wen the book is on EBookRILEY 3 FEFERI FOR EV ER Glub glub glub glub glub glub glub keep up te great work Serra Elinsen Glub glub glub 38

FREE DOWNLOAD Awoken by Serra Elinsen

Awoken by Serra Elinsen

OnsterAnd it couldn’t have anything to do with that time she read aloud from that ancient tome of eldritch magic the Necronomicon could itAndi Slate never imagined she’d find herself in a situation where somehow she was the key to saving the worldHer life is about to get a whole lot less ordinary. I ve gotten a hold of a copy of Awoken went to a Con saw some copies snagged one up for reading material on the way back home and I m completely blown away Maybe a bit brain damaged from the impact tooAwoken s story is about a character named Andromeda Slate yes really I use the terms story character and even about so you can understand me Like the Old Ones of Lovecraft lore mere words are insufficient This is not a story it s the frustrated fantasy of a miserable shut in Andi Slate is a piece of cardboard with attitudeexactly three attitudes really which boil down to nobody understands me goshwow I love Riley Bay and oh I m so lame compared to my boytoy I digress Andi has this dream in the Prologue which is probably the most poorly written part of the whole book off to a great start Elinsen where Riley appears all buff and covered in water like an eldritch David Hasselhoff And here we immediately see one of the book s greatest problems Riley Bay himselfIf Andi is bad Riley is worse Awoken s big sister Twilight at least makes Edward interesting than Bella In making Riley some god like being that tiny sparkle of life in this Edward rip off gets extinguished Riley isn t just inhuman handsome and strong He s a suid godI ll avoid spoiling any of this in case anyone wants to go mad from the revulsion brought up by this tripe Suffice to say that it starts nowhere and goes nowhere Well it does go to New York but it felt kind of hollow Has Elinsen even been to NYCThere are a few faint bright points The best two characters in this reviewer s opinion are Uncle Neil and Bree Uncle Neil is someone I d rather be reading about He s the kind of character that I would unironically describe as wacky and there are all sorts of hints that he s constantly having awesome adventures Naturally we barely see himI like Bree as well though half of that may just be pity She puts up with her hormonal demonoid of a best friend with a smile and seems to try her damnedest to give her advice that ISN T insaneshe s the only semi reasonable character in the whole thing It s like there was one last spark of rational thought in Elinsen s deranged mind and it decided to take root in the lunatic asylum that is this atrocityGo read something better Your local library shelves are probably overflowing with battered copies of the Twilight saga

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In his house at R’lyeh great Cthulhu lies dreaming of herWhat would you do if you discovered you were the only one in the world with the hidden power to keep it from utter annihilationWhat if you had no idea what that power might even beAndromeda Slate the self proclaimed most ordinary girl in Amer. This is The Room of literature First of all You re tearing me apart is literally a line in this book though it doesn t even begin to scratch the surface of some of the truly awful andor bizarre lines of dialogue in this workSecond of all this book is bad I mean really really bad In fact I don t think I recall reading anything remotely close to being this bad ever before in my lifeWhy then the 5 star review Because very much like the Room this book is completely bat shit insane and hilarious Really the bat shit crazy premise and the reviews are what caught my attention in the first place because it is otherwise just your typical Twilight knock off with a bland uninteresting female premise with all the fake problems and insecurities in the world who becomes involved with dark mysterious handsome dashing supernatural otherworldly psychopath in a relationship that treads really close to abusive In the case of Awoken it undoubtedly does cross that line which Twilight only danced around The only difference is that the ethereal psycho in this case is the Elder God Cthullu Yes you read that correctlyIt was only 5 bucks on Kindle not significantly than it cost to watch Twilight on Rifftrax so I thought Sure why the hell notLet s start with Andromeda Andi Slate yes really She hates her life because he has pail skin and grey eyes Yes really Her parent work at a local university teaching Marine Biology a subject also taught at the local high school which Andi attends just go with it She had best friend like a brother did I mention he is my best friend named Vik ueue obligatory love triangle for later and another genuinely awesome and smart friend named Bree who happens to be overweight which the author feels the need to keep reminding you of by having her eat large uantities of food everytime you forget They are both genuinely good friends who try to give Andi real advice and emotional support whenever she is down unlike her Eldritch sueeze So naturally she s a bitch to them Oh and despite the fact that here parents are marine biologists and she s lived in beach town all her life she has an irrational fear of water because she fell off a boat when she went to go see whales once That is her repressed childhood memory that has scarred her for life Yes reallyThe plot kind of begins when Andi Bree and Vik read from the Necronimican which belong to Vik s parents who are archeologists of Cthulhu mythology because why the hell not So Cthulhu shows up as hot guy He stalks Andi for a bit makes a guy go insane for trying to get her to swim tells Andi she disgraced herself after she almost got raped by a black guy and a Hispanic guy did I mention this book is racist kidnaps her and binds her and calls her thinks like puny insignificant diminutive and itty bitty So naturally she falls head over heels in love with him They go on a date to New York and spend the night at the Plaza Hotel after they parked their car at the Plaza Hotel parking lot yes really Oh and they go see Phantom of the Opera because there is an oh so subtle Phantom theme throughout this whole thing He also dumps her at some point to protect her which makes for some great lines where he call her his usual variations of the phrase insignificant mortal and tells her she cannot comprehend reality and the cosmos and the unbearable lightness of being blah blah blah because she is a microscopic ant and follows this with lines like that is why I cannot go out with you and that is why I cannot take you to the Pumpkin Ball The Great Cthulhu everyone As he leaves her he warns her to consume not the Tylenol in excess Spoiler they end up together again in the endAnother character is the villiansubstitute Marine Biology teacher Scarlett Epistola yes really who has been so utterly scorned before in her life so she wants to scorn others and unleash a scorn apocalypse on the world Did I mention she is scorned The author is incredible vague what she means by scorned but both author and Andi are always uick to point out how much she looks acts and dresses like a slatterntrollopharlotsuccubusharpy I m not sure but I think an auburn haired woman named Scarlett once pissed off the author This character definitely provides some of the best laugh out loud moments in the book This includes the climax which involved this character prancing around dressed like a video game trollop yes that really the term used although from the description it sounds like she came right off a Rocky Horror setwhile making catty remarks at Andi most of them involving scorn while Andi retorts by calling her a street woman This all happens during impending apocalypse btw She also literally calls her minions MinionsAnd amidst all this bat shit craziness is the character of Niel a truly genuinely unironically awesome character who seems WAYYYYY out of place in this type of novel So naturally he is given as little presence in the novel as possibleLong story short Andi the heroine bravely stops the end of the world not because she actually does anything substantial but because she makes Cthulhu falls in love with her Yes reallyFinal verdict This is so delightfully awesomely terrible It really is like the literary version of those so bad its good movies like Showgirls The Room Plan 9 from Outer Space etc There is also definitely a David Lynch Twin Peaks esue element to it in that on the surface it appears to be pretty straight forward and corny just your typical modern YA Romance but underneath the surface it s just waiting to devolve into complete insanity Honestly I suspect it may even be a joke It definitely seems to border on self parody at several points Then again there are some genuinely bizarre people out there Either way it s brilliant Lovers Destined from utter annihilationWhat if you had no idea what that power might even beAndromeda Slate the self proclaimed most ordinary girl in Amer. This is The Room of literature First of all You re tearing me apart is literally a line in this book though it doesn t even begin to scratch the surface of some of the truly awful andor bizarre lines of dialogue in this workSecond of all this book is bad I mean really really bad In Sweeter Than Wine first place because it is otherwise just your typical Twilight knock off with a bland uninteresting Lady Ariana female premise with all the Milk And Honey fake problems and insecurities in the world who becomes involved with dark mysterious handsome dashing supernatural otherworldly psychopath in a relationship that treads really close to abusive In the case of Awoken it undoubtedly does cross that line which Twilight only danced around The only difference is that the ethereal psycho in this case is the Elder God Cthullu Yes you read that correctlyIt was only 5 bucks on Kindle not significantly than it cost to watch Twilight on Rifftrax so I thought Sure why the hell notLet s start with Andromeda Andi Slate yes really She hates her life because he has pail skin and grey eyes Yes really Her parent work at a local university teaching Marine Biology a subject also taught at the local high school which Andi attends just go with it She had best Centerburg Tales: More Adventures of Homer Price friend like a brother did I mention he is my best The Substitute Bride friend named Vik ueue obligatory love triangle The English Wife for later and another genuinely awesome and smart The Octopus Museum feels the need to keep reminding you of by having her eat large uantities of Blood in the Dust food everytime you Living to Tell the Tale A Guide to Writing Memoir forget They are both genuinely good The volunteer friends who try to give Andi real advice and emotional support whenever she is down unlike her Eldritch sueeze So naturally she s a bitch to them Oh and despite the Sweet and Sour Milk Variations on the Theme of An African Dictatorship fact that here parents are marine biologists and she s lived in beach town all her life she has an irrational The Ultimate Guide to Upcycling fear of water because she Milk and Honey fell off a boat when she went to go see whales once That is her repressed childhood memory that has scarred her Incarcerated Visions of California in the 21st Century for life Yes reallyThe plot kind of begins when Andi Bree and Vik read Rezad por los difuntos from the Necronimican which belong to Vik s parents who are archeologists of Cthulhu mythology because why the hell not So Cthulhu shows up as hot guy He stalks Andi Shriman Yogi श्रीमान योगी for a bit makes a guy go insane Kitchen Table Tarot Pull Up a Chair Shuffle the Cards and Let's Talk Tarot for trying to get her to swim tells Andi she disgraced herself after she almost got raped by a black guy and a Hispanic guy did I mention this book is racist kidnaps her and binds her and calls her thinks like puny insignificant diminutive and itty bitty So naturally she Sir Alex Ritter ohne Furcht und Ahnung falls head over heels in love with him They go on a date to New York and spend the night at the Plaza Hotel after they parked their car at the Plaza Hotel parking lot yes really Oh and they go see Phantom of the Opera because there is an oh so subtle Phantom theme throughout this whole thing He also dumps her at some point to protect her which makes Brain Microtuble Associated Proteins Modifications in Disease for some great lines where he call her his usual variations of the phrase insignificant mortal and tells her she cannot comprehend reality and the cosmos and the unbearable lightness of being blah blah blah because she is a microscopic ant and Paul The Apostle follows this with lines like that is why I cannot go out with you and that is why I cannot take you to the Pumpkin Ball The Great Cthulhu everyone As he leaves her he warns her to consume not the Tylenol in excess Spoiler they end up together again in the endAnother character is the villiansubstitute Marine Biology teacher Scarlett Epistola yes really who has been so utterly scorned before in her life so she wants to scorn others and unleash a scorn apocalypse on the world Did I mention she is scorned The author is incredible vague what she means by scorned but both author and Andi are always uick to point out how much she looks acts and dresses like a slatterntrollopharlotsuccubusharpy I m not sure but I think an auburn haired woman named Scarlett once pissed off the author This character definitely provides some of the best laugh out loud moments in the book This includes the climax which involved this character prancing around dressed like a video game trollop yes that really the term used although Maisy At the Beach Sticker Book from the description it sounds like she came right off a Rocky Horror setwhile making catty remarks at Andi most of them involving scorn while Andi retorts by calling her a street woman This all happens during impending apocalypse btw She also literally calls her minions MinionsAnd amidst all this bat shit craziness is the character of Niel a truly genuinely unironically awesome character who seems WAYYYYY out of place in this type of novel So naturally he is given as little presence in the novel as possibleLong story short Andi the heroine bravely stops the end of the world not because she actually does anything substantial but because she makes Cthulhu Whore ified at Horror Beach HallowKreme 2018 Book 15 falls in love with her Yes reallyFinal verdict This is so delightfully awesomely terrible It really is like the literary version of those so bad its good movies like Showgirls The Room Plan 9 Decoding Roulette from Outer Space etc There is also definitely a David Lynch Twin Peaks esue element to it in that on the surface it appears to be pretty straight Its Not about You Mr. Santa Claus forward and corny just your typical modern YA Romance but underneath the surface it s just waiting to devolve into complete insanity Honestly I suspect it may even be a joke It definitely seems to border on self parody at several points Then again there are some genuinely bizarre people out there Either way it s brilliant


10 thoughts on “Awoken by Serra Elinsen

  1. says:

    This is The Room of literature First of all You're tearing me apart is literally a line in this book though it doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of some of the truly awful andor bizarre lines of dialogue in this workSecond of all this book is bad I mean really really bad In fact I don't think I recall reading anything rem

  2. says:

    May the bridge of the Lamb fall upon you

  3. says:

    This book is full of awful awful characters horrifying ethnic stereotypes godawful writing skeevy as fuck victim blaming rape culture bullshit internalized misogyny and probably the second worst fucking relationship in YA after Patch and Nor

  4. says:

    Not just the greatest book in history the greatest thing that has ever happened to humanity Ever Even better than Bagel Bites or the

  5. says:

    This is The Room of literature First of all You're tearing me apart is literally a line in this book though it doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of some of the truly awful andor bizarre lines of dialogue in this wo

  6. says:

    E E E E I looooooooooved tis book Riley is so hot unlike Edward Cullen e is suc an assat unlike Riley 3 3 3 3 e as suc Fatoms of Depth and dimensions and layers to im I don't like Andromeda se is suc a cold fis no

  7. says:

    The uality of this train wreck uhh I mean Serra’s first attempt at a novel can be summed up by simply listing her charactersAndi Slate I’ll give Mrs Elinsen credit here in that “Andromeda Slate” at least seems have

  8. says:

    I've gotten a hold of a copy of Awoken went to a Con saw some copies snagged one up for reading material on the way back home and I'm completely

  9. says:

    How dare this self proclaimed author smear Lovecraft’s name by dishonoring his creations with such a piece of trash Sarah completely misinterpreted the brilliant lore and completely disregards the original content of Lovec

  10. says:

    I almost wanted to like this book Unfortunately since Uncle Neil was unable to ever complete a sentence my day

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